Tangible Karma

By Susan | February 4, 2010

Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Gandhi

 

My friend, professional organizer Julie Seibert recently gave a great presentation at Calm and Sense on reducing stress through de-cluttering your life. Not only does the act of getting the junk out of our home or office feel liberating, but by reducing, reusing or recycling, we help the planet reduce some of the stress it feels! Julie had great suggestions for using existing things around the house, like wine boxes (goodness knows we have plenty of those in my house!!) to store Christmas ornaments, decorative gift boxes to hold office supplies, and more (check out her site at www.healingorganization.com for more helpful tips and links).

 

But one of the unfortunate consequences of reducing clutter in your home is that it can cause clutter – or trash – elsewhere. Far better to extend the life of what we don’t need anymore by donating it to someone who can use it, versus sending it to the landfill. For example, right now there is a real need for safe shoes for the earthquake victims in Haiti, so Calm and Sense is serving as a collection point for shoes to be shipped to survivors, through Shoes 4 Souls (www.myoldshoes.com). And there are dozens of stores here in the Triangle area that take your unwanted clothes, household items, furniture and more and sell them to benefit worthy causes like the SPCA, Battered Women’s Shelters and more.

 

It was explained to me that the term for this is “tangible karma” because your good deeds directly benefit others. I love that concept and I was excited to find the website that told me that the first Saturday in April is Tangible Karma Day, where for 1 hour each of us could do something tangible to help another individual or a cause. Suggestions included visiting or volunteering at a shelter, cleaning out a closet and donating items, or helping a friend or neighbor. My thought is, why limit it to one hour??

 

I would love to hear your ideas for things we can do, on that day or any other, that will offer Tangible Karma for our world.

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Listen

By Susan | January 21, 2010

“We are all taught to speak. Only 50% of our population is taught to listen.” ~ Marilyn Shannon

What’s that old saying? We are given two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak? Too bad no one seems to practice that! I heard a very thought-provoking presentation by Marilyn Shannon (www.powerofdialogue.com) who challenged the audience to really listen to others. Her point was that it truly takes practice, and that you only get good at if you work on it. I found so many connections between her talk and the mission of my store, which is to help people “listen” to their own bodies, to know when they are stressed and to know what will work to release that stress.

I actually had one customer tell me she has absolutely no stress in her life (and I was tempted to respond that she was in denial, but in retail you can’t really insult the customers) but most people eventually realize that the toxic hold of stress is robbing them of their happiness and health. What is harder is to solve it because most have never listened to their bodies to know what relieves it. For example, I’ll ask them “do smells relax you” or “what is the first thing you do when you feel yourself all tense” and a large number just don’t know. That is a sad indication that they are not listening to their own bodies.

Just like Marilyn’s guidance that when you are engaged in a conversation with someone, watch their body language or facial expression for true intent, or listen for the tone as well as the words, I would encourage people to “listen” to their body’s reaction to a neck rub, or the scent of a flower or the taste of a cup of tea. Don’t just gulp down the cup or rework your to-do list while the therapist works the knots out in your neck; try to quiet your mind and focus on your body’s response.

Marilyn suggests that if you find your attention drifting while trying to listen to someone, shift your physical position as a way to re-engage and remain alert. So if you find that one stress-relieving technique isn’t working, don’t just keep trying the same thing, shift to another strategy! Maybe meditation is the key or yoga or aromatherapy so keep experimenting and listening until your body tells you what it needs.

After all, if we don’t listen to our bodies, who will?

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Dressing for Success

By Susan | January 16, 2010

It was time to get a professional “head shot” – informal pictures of me sitting on rocks or at the beach were fine for some of the Calm and Sense publicity I do, but sometimes I need a “grown up” picture. So I signed up for a session with a professional photographer and jumped at the chance for a make-up lesson while I was at it.

 

Then came the challenge of picking out the right clothes to wear. Since my store is all about stress relief and relaxation, I didn’t think a suit or button down shirt would send the right image (and besides, most of those had found their way to a group that helps unemployed and low income women with job hunting skills and a wardrobe — I highly recommend Soroptimist International here in Raleigh if you want to participate — visit www.soroptimistraleigh.org). So this morning I stood in my closet like a high school girl, pulling blouses and sweaters off of hangers, dashing to the mirror to see if they looked right, and dropping them on the floor in an ever-increasing panic.

 

As I tried on my eighth outfit, it occurred to me just how much my life had changed. Thirty years of corporate jobs meant I had probably bought over 30 suits in my life. While not a fussy “girly-girl” I did always try to look professional, down to pearls, pins, and pumps. In fact, a co-worker once told me I looked “preppy” – she thought it was a sly insult, when in fact I took it as a compliment!

 

These days, my wardrobe for work generally consists of something that would barely qualify for “corporate casual day” but honestly, this suits me better than a suit!! And I am 100% happier.

 

Hopefully we all get to that point when we stop dressing – or acting – like we think we should and start picking what makes us happy. That, to me, is the very definition of dressing for success.

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Free Holiday Gift Ideas

By Susan | December 15, 2009

Giving gifts during the holiday can be a wonderful custom, full of fun and memories. But it can sometimes cause extreme stress due to lack of time and, in this economy, lack of money. But using a little imagination and maybe a little time, can turn this holiday tradition back into the thing it was meant to be: a true expression of your thoughtfulness and generosity. And better yet, there is no credit card hangover. So here are some free, or almost free, ideas for gifts this season. Please post your own ideas too!

 

For a single parent, create a “coupon” for free babysitting so the parent can enjoy a movie, take a walk, or just spend some quiet time alone. Put in a  box with a bag of microwave popcorn and (kid-appropriate) DVD you have around the house to let them know the type of activity you can do with their child.

 

For an elderly friend or shut-in, offer to decorate their house for the season and even set up the tree if they have one. You can loan them some of your ornaments or decorations to make it seem “new” or use theirs – your fresh approach will make it just as new.

 

Collect some of your gently read and favorite books to pass along, tie them up in a bow with a hand written note about how much you enjoyed them and why they are selected for the recipient.

 

If you are a AAA member, collect maps, brochures and travel books for a friend who likes to take trips, especially from places you have visited and enjoyed. Use an extra map for wrapping paper around the box!

 

Pick 2-3 recipes from your collection of sure-fire hits and create pretty recipe cards on the computer. Research on-line recipes for meat “rubs” that use salts and spices and mix some up with staples from your kitchen, put in a Ziploc bag or container with a label.

 

If you garden and have mature plants that need thinning, create a coupon for a “Spring Garden Makeover” including transplants from your successful garden. Print out color photos and descriptions from sites to let them know what you will add to their garden. Include time for spring raking, pruning and TLC and give them a beautiful gift that will last into summer.

 

What ideas can you add?

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Guardian Angel

By Susan | December 14, 2009

He was tall with blond hair topped in a long crew cut, and he flashed the biggest grin I had ever seen. His drawl proclaimed “southern boy” before he could even finish 5 words.  When he first came (okay, swaggered) into my store last year, dressed in his Raleigh Fire Department uniform, my first thought was “oh my god it’s an inspection what did I do wrong!?” But he was just friendly and curious about the new store. He told me his name was Flip which was as memorable as he was. Over the next year he stopped by occasionally, buying a tea for his wife or just to check up on me. With his sense of humor there was always as much laughing as talking, and he was often the target of his own wit. The last time I saw him, he was parked with the Raleigh Fire Engine raising money for some charity.

 

On December 5th he was struck by a bus on his way home after his shift. In critical condition for a week, he passed away last Friday, leaving a heartbroken wife and two little girls.

 

While I know my grief doesn’t even come close to that of his family and co-workers, I find myself sad and near tears every time I think of him. He was only 35, full of life and laughter, and he is gone too soon.

 

All I can think is that Raleigh needed a guardian angel for some reason, one that has a twinkle in his eye and a gift for the absurd. We’ll miss you Flip, but for all that you touched in your short life here, we thank you for your kindness.

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Liberty and Justice for All

By Susan | December 11, 2009

The baby smiles as the morning light hits her face, warming her skin, which smells sweet from her bath. She is picked up and cuddled; her coos bring smiles to her mother’s face.

The baby cries alone in her crib, her miserable wails ignored as her teenage mother, who dropped out of high school, watches reality TV. The smell of urine mingles with salty tears and stains the frayed, hand-me-down sleeper.

The little girl’s every move is chronicled with videos and photos, shared with adoring grandparents and mildly interested co-workers. Her pre-school teaches her the colors and ABCs and she is reading by kindergarten.

The baby grows into a little girl with chronic untreated ear infections which cause partial hearing loss, making it difficult to follow a conversation much less instructions. She begins to be labeled “slow” and teased by playmates.

The girl is often tired from busy days of dance and swim lessons, and she plays soccer with other little girls in bright colored uniforms and tiny soccer cleats. Her room is filled with books, sunlight, and stuffed ponies.

The girl plays in the dirt playground around the corner, unless gunfire causes her to stay inside. The bedroom she shares with her mother is dark, windows covered night and day and without an alarm clock, the girl often oversleeps and misses school.

The teenager cries with drama over college applications and essays, convinced no other classmate has such demanding parents! Her private school’s guidance counselor reviews every detail patiently, and asks her which university is her first choice.

The teenager sits sullenly in the judge’s chambers, refusing to make eye contact. The judge asks her if she knows the next step is juvenile hall. She shrugs in defeat. At least there will be hot meals and a shower that rains down hot, not cold, water.

One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

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Same Time, Next Year

By Susan | December 2, 2009

One of my favorite movies is “Same Time Next Year”, a funny, touching moving about a couple who only see each other once a year for a weekend tryst. The movie chronicles the decades they spend together, 3 days at a time, and the changes their lives go through.

 

In a funny way, I live that movie each November, not with a lover but with a group of girlfriends known as The Scorpios. We met decades ago when we worked together and discovered we all share the sign of the Scorpion. We started out with an annual group birthday dinner, but as each of us left the company, and even moved out of state, our reunion has typically extended to an overnight visit or even a weekend reunion. When we began the youngest were newlyweds with babies, the oldest with kids in high school. Discussions were around office politics, parent-teacher conferences, and vacation plans. Now, 25 years later, the topics are world politics, college tuition bills and retirement plans. Advice on child-rearing has morphed into swapping tips on surviving menopause.

 

Because we only see each other once a year, the conversations fly fast, voices overlap and shrieks of laughter fill the air. We use up every available molecule of oxygen because we have so much to fill each other in on, and so little time to do it. We don’t notice the grayer hair or the extra wrinkles until the photo album is pulled out and we flip back to the beginning. Big hair and shoulder pads in the ‘80s (come on ladies, admit it, you succumbed too!) have been replaced by dyed hair and reading glasses.

 

I sat back at our recent dinner in Boston’s North End and watched the faces, heard the chatter, remembered the conversations and revelations of years past. Amazingly, only two of the original members have dropped out, leaving seven of us who make the annual pilgrimage. The hugs and whoops of glee on Friday are replaced on Sunday with hugs and promises to come again next year “no matter what.” As we age we realize what a gift a friendship of 25 years is in our lives. Scorpio traits include passionate loyalty and tenacity. I would say that our tradition is testament to those traits.

 

Here’s to my Scorpio friends Carole, Amy, Gail, Elaine, Mary and Marylee. Thanks for 25 great years!!!

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Shop Unchained

By Susan | November 10, 2009

As a new business owner competing in a challenging economic climate with big box stores with multi-million dollar advertising budgets, it is easy to feel a bit like David in a share of mind battle with Goliath. So I joined a local initiative called Shop Local Raleigh which is encouraging folks to support independent stores like mine. Here is one amazing statistic from them: If each household simply redirected just $100 of planned holiday spending from chain stores to locally owned merchants, the local economic impact would reach approximately $10 million.

That’s a pretty amazing statistic. But think about it. I use a local attorney, accountant, printer, and graphic artist; I source products like handmade cards and soaps from local small businesses; I switched to a local supplier for office products and shopping bags. Where do you think Walmart prints its flyers? Where do you think their payroll and accounting functions are run out of? Bentonville Arkansas is my guess. Local firms procure local goods and services at twice the rate of national chains. Even with my meager budget, I know that I make a difference to my fellow small business owners.

So as you enter this holiday gift buying season, please pause a moment and consider what you buy and where you buy it. We are all scaling back (me included) so your choices are even more critical. For example, when you buy soap from Calm and Sense, chances are you will select one that comes from beekeepers out in Elon, NC who make every bar by hand or the former restaurant owner here in Raleigh who has become a passionate soapmaker. When was the last time a mall store employee could tell you the name of the person who hand blended their products?

So shop “unchained” this year and get to know your local small business owner. We’ll be there to greet you and thank you personally.

For more statistics about local spending impacts check out http://www.shoplocalraleigh.org/learn/facts_about_shopping_local.html

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The ABCs of Life

By Susan | November 2, 2009
In this season of materialism and stress, it is important to put things into 
perspective. Consider focusing on one of these each day in the month 
of November. And maybe you will find that it lasts longer than one month!
 
Allow others to be right
Be content with what you have
Count your blessings
Dream
Examine your motives
Forgive
Go out into the world in peace
Honor all persons
Imagine more
Just breathe
Keep the faith
Love an animal
Meditate
Nurture yourself
Open your mind
Put others’ needs ahead of yours
Quench your thirst for knowledge
Return to no person evil for evil
Strengthen the fainthearted
Thank others
Use your time wisely
Vote
Win graciously 
Xeriscape
Yearn for peace
Zealously support a worthy cause
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Building a Community

By Susan | October 19, 2009

The following was written by my friend and neighbor, Kathleen, who responded to a posting that I put in our community listserv asking for help with a playground project in a challenged neighborhood. I was totally inspired by what she wrote and in honor of National Volunteer Week, I wanted to share it with all of you:

 

“When I saw the request on the listserv seeking volunteers to help revitalize the Lane Street playground, I was truly compelled to spend a little bit of my time helping the community. I decided that I could contribute at least an hour’s work that morning.  Never mind that family and friends were arriving that day from Dublin and London for the U2 show and there was no shortage of things I needed to get done that Thursday morning.  Never mind that I was six months pregnant.   Let’s just say that I was optimistic that I could be of some help.

 

So, off I went.

 

I arrived at the site – a mere two blocks east of the Oakwood boundary – to what could only be described as a sea of people and the best music I’ve heard since my clubbing days.  There were Park District staff, Home Depot volunteers, staff from Marbles, community members: it was a truly impressive mix.

 

I checked in and was assigned to a group of folks building cubbies for the Tarboro Road Community Center which is affiliated with the park.  I couldn’t help but wonder if someone from the Oakwood Garden Club had called ahead and warned them to keep me away from the plants.  At any rate, the cubbies were an important contribution as they would serve as a safe place for kids to store their belongings before utilizing the park amenities.

 

My group was run by three very clever Home Depot fellas who were both personable and focused.  Together we cut, nailed, drilled and created.  All around me things were happening, and fast.  The chain link fence enclosed us in the basketball court, the play equipment was being assembled and the plantings were safely in the ground.  These people were closers!

 

It was only when the lunch table was being assembled that I had realized I needed to get moving onto other less interesting chores before I collected my son from preschool.  I hadn’t noticed that nearly two and a half hours had passed.  And as I left, I felt more than optimistic.  I felt grateful.  I was grateful for the opportunity to help the community, grateful for the chance to meet some interesting and socially-aware people and grateful for the diversion of daily activities. 

 

Now as I pass by the playground I feel personally invested, and I am reminded of that Chinese Proverb: One generation plants the trees, another gets the shade.  Here’s hoping the playground provides shade to many for years to come.”

Kathleen

 

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