Mountain Truths

By Susan | July 16, 2009

I recently went back to Southern California to visit friends after being gone almost a year. The timing of the trip coincided with a women’s retreat, organized every y ear by the church I had belonged to. It draws wonderful women who are seeking a weekend respite from families, jobs, and life. We come together in fellowship (or would that be “womanship”?) for three days of eating, drinking, laughter, tears, long walks and conversations, and ends with hugs and promises to do it again next year. The location is a cabin in the San Bernardino mountains that has a communal kitchen and living room, which is where we spend 99% of our time (hey, it’s where the food is!).

 

The retreat included a writing exercise around “What I learned on the Mountain” which was then collected. Four months later, when you have totally forgotten about the exercise, your own handwritten missive shows up in the mail, like a ghostly message from your past self.  As soon as the envelope came, I knew exactly what it was, but couldn’t remember a single thing I had written because daily life takes over. But opening the envelope was like riding in a time machine, and suddenly the memory of a weekend’s joy makes me smile, and reminds me what I learned in the Mountains:

 

Good friends age like good wine

Laughter cures almost everything

You never know what load another person is carrying

Life is full of challenges, and challenging people

Babies make you smile

The mountains can caress you with breezes

Being 6000 feet up gives you a whole new perspective

Heavy traffic is inevitable when you want to get somewhere quickly

Making breakfast with Robin is one of the highlights of the weekend

A hug from Justine makes it worth the trip

Laura is one of the wisest women I know

Carol can find something funny in almost anything

 

So today I thank the far away mountains for reminding me of some of life’s truths and for having friends who make the trip worthwhile.

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Beach Day

By Susan | July 11, 2009

It was a cross between a fog and a light drizzle. There weren’t clouds so much as there was a moment when the sky dropped down and seemed almost touchable. Colors disappeared and were replaced by shades of gray and brown. The seagulls wheeled and cried, not caring whether the sun was out or not. Waves gently lapped and lulled us into a false sense of security that we could walk the waterline, luring us out just a bit too far and playfully soaking our shoes and sending us scurrying back to the safety of the sand. The salt in the air no longer had to compete with faux coconut sunscreen scents.

 

The rain kept most people off the beach, except for the romantics or the seashell seekers, happy to have less competition for treasures that the sea surrendered.  It was easy to walk just a bit too far, only to turn around and realize just how long the walk back would be. Even without a warm sun beating down, we were drowsy and quiet on the boat trip back to the mainland. Even a week later a few grains of sand cling to socks whenever the shoes are used. Memories of a day at the beach.

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The Bucket List

By Susan | June 29, 2009

If you saw last year’s feature movie “The Bucket List”, you’ll recognize that term as one for an end-of-your-life list of the things you want to do, places you want to go, and accomplishments that you meant to get to before life always got in the way. While it is an important topic, given that the July 4th weekend is coming up my mind has drifted to more of the Sand Bucket type of list. As in, I will have 6 straight days off and I can do anything I want, so what would make me happy and relaxed (and it isn’t mopping the kitchen floor!!).

So here is mine. And I would love to hear what is on your (Sand) Bucket List for a great, calming vacation:

1. Read a thought-provoking book
2. Take a nap with at least one cat on my lap
3. Take a nap with my husband
4. Walk in a neighborhood I haven’t been in yet and strike up a conversation with someone there
5. Go to the beach and feel the sand between my toes and make a sand castle
6. Pick a bouquet of flowers out of my garden and present it to someone who doesn’t expect it
7. Do some yard work for an elderly neighbor who can’t do it herself
8. Try a recipe I haven’t made yet
9. Hand-write out my Christmas Cards (who has time to do that in December? Why not do it with a Pina Colada in your hand?)
10. Come back to work refreshed, smiling and happy to welcome my customers

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Aging

By Susan | June 19, 2009

My father-in-law used to say, when I would whine on my birthday about becoming a year older, “consider the alternative.” Wise words indeed from a man of few words (but many naps). Being invited recently to a demo of an “instant face lift” caused some paranoia (why is she inviting ME, do I look like I need a face lift??) and launched another pity party. The next morning I stood in front of the mirror and chronicled the wrinkles, sagging skin and grey hairs. Not terribly encouraging. But I have been reflecting that while I have certainly passed the mid-point of my active life, the passage of time has not totally rendered my body obsolete.

 

I look at my arms that were once strong enough to carry our golden retriever on his last, sad trip to the vet, and they are still able to dig up fertile soil and plant beautiful flowers.

 

My eyes, once sharp enough to read a thousand bed-time stories and spot my sons in a crowded sea of children, can still read the face of a friend and know when they need a kind word or a hug.

 

My hands, once agile enough to thread a needle, are still flexible enough to help prepare breakfast for those in need at Raleigh’s homeless shelter.

 

My feet, which have walked countless miles in protests and fundraisers for women’s rights, can still hike a beautiful mountain or part the warm sand at the beach.

 

And my mind, so confident that I knew all of life’s answers by my twenties and thirties, is now wise enough to know that there is much that I don’t yet know.

 

I think what my father-in-law was trying to tell me was that every day, week, month and year is a gift. And to squander it by complaining is to totally miss the adventure that life brings. It doesn’t matter what I look like. It matters what I do with each day given to me.

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Random Acts of Kindness

By Susan | June 12, 2009

Remember the craze about a dozen years ago of practicing “random acts of kindness”? Well apparently it hasn’t totally ended. I came into the store the other day and the owner of the patisserie next door (www.hereghty’s.com – a wonderful place) followed me in with a coffee and croissant which he handed to me. When I asked what was up, he explained that a customer had paid for it and asked him to deliver it to me. It was such an unexpected and thoughtful touch that it had me smiling all day.

When I mentioned it to my neighbor during our morning walk, she told me about going over to an elderly neighbor’s house to mow the lawn and cut down a dead tree. Within minutes, three other neighbors came over and helped out and by the end the yard was in wonderful shape. The shut-in was so touched by the help that it has put a spring in her step.

I remember an article I read about a drive through window at a coffee place that had someone leave money to pay for the person behind him, and it triggered a wave – over 50 people “paid it forward” (check it out: http://www.kcci.com/family/18211725/detail.html).

I think it is good for the soul to do something for someone else with no strings attached and no expectation of recognition. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money or take a lot of time. But I think that it’s a goal to try to find something to do for another, whether it’s every day or occasionally. And I’d love to hear your stories of giving, or receiving, such an act.

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The Gratitude Journal

By Susan | June 4, 2009

Recent customers in the store, Merrily and Betsy (who are life coaches, check out www.lifeisbutadreamcoaching.com) submitted a Personal Practice for our newsletter that suggested starting a Gratitude Journal. The idea is to jot down 3 things at the end of every day that you are grateful for and re-read the list before going to bed. By focusing on the positive things in our lives, we can point ourselves in better directions. It sounded easy so I decided to try it for the past week and share it with you. If you have been doing a similar practice, we would love to hear about some of your entries.

Day 1: I am Grateful for:
1. A husband who, despite allergies, allows our adopted cat to sleep at the foot of the bed
2. Sunny skies that have caused my garden to explode with color and beauty
3. Air conditioning, to counteract those sunny skies

Day 2: I am Grateful for:
1. Customers that come in and generously share their enthusiasm for my store
2. Good health
3. Parents that taught me the value of hard work

Day 3: I am Grateful for:
1. Rebecca’s yoga/pilates fusion class which makes me float all the way home
2. Tomato plants that I haven’t managed to kill off yet
3. Sundays, because it is my one day of rest

Day 4: I am Grateful for:
1. Working with such talented small business owners, many of whom are women who are also on a life’s journey
2. Friends who send funny emails at times when I really need a smile
3. Two cats who are there to greet me and a husband who pours me a glass of wine when I walk in the door at night

Day 5: I am Grateful for:
1. My husband who killed the cockroach before I could actually see it
2. My neighbor who talked me into trying beekeeping
3. Two happy, healthy, honorable sons

Day 6: I am Grateful for:
1. Happy bees that haven’t stung me yet
2. Good books
3. Volunteering at the Raleigh Rescue Mission because that certainly puts my problems into perspective

Day 7: I am Grateful for:
1. The City of Raleigh’s insurance because if that bozo in the city truck had hit me, I know I would have gotten a new car out of it. Yo, look before changing lanes!!
2. That the City of Raleigh truck didn’t hit me, because I love my little convertible and I would miss it
3. Other business owners who have reached out with encouragement and contacts

So what are you grateful for?

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Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?

By Susan | May 20, 2009

At the risk of being sued by the network for violating their copyright on the show’s name, I want to ask you, are you smarter than a 5th grader? Think about it. What did you know then and what do you know now? Depending on your age, you could have the advantage (or disadvantage) of decades in between those two ages. Without giving away my chronological data (grin), here is my answer to the question.

What I knew in 5th grade
The pain of leaving old friends hurts but it’s made up for by making new friends. Moving every two years always made me “the new kid” and I remember those people who reached out to welcome me. I didn’t know the word “karma” back then but I knew intuitively that kindness made a circle.
What I know now
Adults nurse grudges, pick sides, and form cliques which are slow to let in others.

What I knew in 5th grade
Adults had all the answers. Or they acted like they did. And they didn’t appreciate it if you pointed out that they were wrong. Especially if they were wearing a uniform.
What I know now
It is almost impossible to know the right answer to all of life’s questions. Sometimes you don’t even know the answer to “what is today’s date?” or “what’s for dinner?”

What I knew in 5th grade
Hard work is rewarded. It started with gold stars in kindergarten and graduated to report cards in elementary school.
What I know now
In some companies, hard work is less important than office politics. Slackers get a paycheck just like everyone else. And companies that aren’t smart and can’t compete get a federal bailout.

What I knew in 5th grade
My parents loved me and felt it was important to raise a child to be hard-working, honest and kind.
What I know now
Too many kids are raised with a sense of entitlement and a lack of appreciation for hard work. Parents are busy and stressed and think they are doing their kids a favor by bullying the teacher into changing their math grade.

So, I think that even at 10 years old, I knew some pretty important stuff. I might have forgotten the capitals of all the states (do they even teach that in school anymore??) but I try not to forget the important life lessons. And some wisdom does seep in over the years. So, if you happen to see me around town, don’t ask me the capital of North Dakota, but do ask me if I have been kind to someone today.

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Extraordinary things begin to happen

By Susan | April 29, 2009

“If someone listens, or stretches out a hand, or whispers a kind word of encouragement, or attempts to understand, extraordinary things begin to happen”: Loretta Girzartis

When I was younger, the words “breast cancer” were never, ever said aloud. Fear, ignorance, superstition; whatever the reason, you never said them. Women went into the hospital for biopsies and were kept under anesthesia until the quick (sometimes too quick) diagnosis, and often woke up to find they had a total mastectomy. No second opinions, no questioning the doctor, no other treatment options offered. They came home with a bandage on their chest and on their hearts. I can only imagine the isolation of going through it virtually alone, afraid to say the words, and having friends avoid the subject.

So here I am years later, sitting at a fundraiser listening to women tell their stories — some funny, some touching, all inspiring — to a room full of strangers. It is a testament to survival, a shared embrace of lives that beat the odds, an affirmation that women don’t have to go through this experience alone anymore. Yes, we now say it out loud: Breast Cancer. Gone is the embarrassment, and in its place is a fierce commitment that any woman who fights breast cancer will be supported.

The event was put together in a few short weeks by an extraordinary woman who wanted to make a difference. She saw a need, she had the energy, and she made it happen. Like ripples on water when a pebble is dropped, I hope her enthusiasm and passion spread far. We can all be a force in this world. Whether on a broad scale, or simply by being there for someone who needs us. We can do extraordinary things, and with those acts, we become extraordinary women (and men).

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Love Our Mother Earth (and she will love you back!)

By Susan | April 20, 2009

Mother’s Day – the human kind – still gets far more attention than the other Mother’s Day — Earth Day. When I started to conceptualize the store and the products that I would carry, I wanted to find as many “earth friendly” options for customers as possible. In some product lines, like tea, there were many options. Not only could I find tea companies that were environmentally responsible and featured organic ingredients, but they are typically Fair Trade (providing a livable wage to the farmers who grow them) as well. And I felt like I got double bonus points for the one which is also a small, woman owned business! The two soap companies I found feature all natural ingredients, eschewing chemical scents and surfactants, and one is even local, further reducing the impact of ordering from them (no packing boxes or shipping needed). Some of the candles I found are soy based versus petroleum based. And one of the products I love best are the Kerry Cleaver nightlights – instead of discarding the scraps of glass left over from creating her fountains, she melts and fuses them into nightlights! Viola, she creates a product line from what others would throw out.

What I have been less successful at is getting customers interested in buying the earth-friendly products. Seems surprising to me considering everyone is talking about our dependence on oil, our carbon footprint, and the food (and chemicals) we ingest.

So this blog has two goals. I need your input and ideas on how to appeal more to people who are interested in stress relief and relaxation, but are also interested in solving that need with earth friendly products. And I want your ideas on products and suppliers who help us to relax and who have creative and responsible products. I look forward to hearing from you!!

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I see bunnies

By Susan | April 11, 2009

Our son believed in Santa and the Easter Bunny far longer than we dreamed he would. We suspected that it was a combination of delight in the possibility of magic and of fear that the presents and candy would disappear the moment doubt was confessed. He even persevered when the “tooth fairy” forgot the payoff for three straight nights after the loss of the tooth (hey, I was busy!!).

I don’t know why I was so surprised that he clung to the myth and ecstatically clutched the stuffed bunnies on Easter morning. I am the one who’s failing 8-year-old confidence in the big bunny theory was shored up at the sight of paw prints going up the carpeted stairs of my grandmother’s house on Easter morn – my grandmother being so fastidious she NEVER would have willingly soiled her off-white carpet with black powder!! Would she? And I wanted more than ever to believe, really believe, that this bunny knew I deserved that basket of goodies.

Every child reaches the stage when peer pressure, the media, or wicked older siblings clue them in that it isn’t cool to believe in such things. Thus begins the descent into skepticism and cynicism. And we don’t seem to come out of it until the arrival of grandchildren because then we are allowed, even expected, to participate in the slight of hand. But that in-between time is left void of the tingling feeling that maybe there is kindness and mystery in the world. Somewhere between the ages of 10 and 60 we face holidays, whether religious or secular, armed more with to-do lists than optimism.

I say we should embrace the opportunity to believe again in magic, to let go of the cynicism that accumulates in our bones, and bound back into life with some mischief. We might all be a little happier as we hippity-hoppity on our way.

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